i always assumed that if a relationship or something were to end due to something uncontrollable, such as moving away, or whatnot, then it wouldn't be as bad, because at least you knew the other person still wanted to be with you and it wasn't something you were doing wrong, etc.

i was wrong.

right now i feel a little bitter and like i deserve more


but with that in mind i am not in too bad a mood. just a bit of a funk for tonight

i'm feeling pretty bitter right now.

the other night at my friend's house we ended up going through nearly my entire dating history.

so many mean things. so many mean endings.
there are three i feel ended well. three out of.......... a lot.

sometimes it just feels so unfair
though i guess in some ways i bring it on myself, i knowingly put my all into each and every one of these guys (appropriate to the stage in the "relationship" or what have you)
when you put yourself out there you put yourself out there to be hurt
and fuck it if i am going to be hurt countless times i won't give less than what i am capable of

i am bitter because i feel like it should be working out at some point in the future
and im scared it wont
and im mad because i feel like i have been doing a pretty good job at being alive and at being a good person and i feel like the universe should be on my side and not sending hopefuls across the fucking country